chelan rene’ russ

Past

Below is the story of just one of the ways God has been faithful in my life.

He is, even when we are not.

The affair lasted nearly 2 months. He told me of it right after the first week it turned physical, so the rest of it was very hard, as I was aware of what was going on. Their relationship started 2 months prior as a friendship, but subtly, I believe she was being used to divide us…to conquer or destroy our family. But God had another plan.

How did my husband’s unfaithfulness affect me?

At times, I would be raging mad at both of them, & then hear the Lord telling me that anger wasn’t going to solve a thing. Instead, use that energy to fight … fight the spiritual battle with prayer, day & night. Many days I thought our family was on its way to being torn apart, leaving my 18 mo. old son, Braylon, without a united home to grow securely in. I put prison ministry, worship team and the coffee shop band I was in, on hold indefinitely to focus on & contend for us. Even amidst the lies, arguments, & nightmares (there was one I’ll never forget, where I dreamed he left me for her, she bore a son by him & I was still fighting tooth & nail for our marriage), I knew deep down that God would bless & cover my family, if I obeyed him. But before blessing, comes the choice to forgive, & put 100% trust in Him alone. I had made the mistake of putting too much trust in my husband – over trusting my Lord.

There was this certain scripture that always seemed to come to my mind: ”With man this is impossible – but with God, all things are possible” ~ Matthew 19:26. I would always find peace in that.

Now, have you ever been so anxious or distraught that your body reacted physically? I know, we all get butterflies or sweaty palms from time to time, but every moment he revealed a new detail, my stomach would turn. The worst news came 3 weeks into it, when he told me she’d become pregnant. I thought of that nightmare I had. “What if’s” overwhelmed me, causing knots in my stomach, uncontrollable shaking, fast erratic breathing, and long crying spells. That day, I called his mom, who’d been praying about this mess. And she apologized, prayed over the phone, and told me with conviction that God has spoken to her. He’d told her that we were going to make it through this, together…victoriously! It was that promise to her, which she shared with me, that gave me the hope I needed.

How did my husband’s unfaithfulness affect him?

Meanwhile, his world was shaken too. He’d fallen into a deep depression, sleeping little, eating rarely & using alcohol to numb his pain. He’d grown up as a pastor’s kid, so there was no foolin’ himself – his sin was hurting the Lord. Whenever he was with me, Braylon, or by himself, he felt horrible about it – torn. It was obvious to me as I watched him pace the floor or sometimes cry, feeling the weight of God’s Spirit. Conviction can be our worst enemy when we want to stay in sin…and our closest friend when it feels like God is trying to reach us in the midst of it.

Yet weeks crept by without change. He felt worthless to everyone & unlovable. Even suicide came to his mind, as the only way to stop all the hurt. He’d become so entangled in this other relationship, that he felt he’d cause a huge amount of pain no matter what he did. I’d remind him, “With God all things are possible – try to believe that. Fight for us!” And I’d pray…a lot. Once or twice, he let me pray with him. And slowly, he began to surrender. He started listening to that still small voice. It was like layer after layer of deceit was being lifted. It started with what he chose to listen to: from heavy rock & Howard Stern to worship songs like Take my Life, by Third Day. This song was instrumental for me, as I remember asking God to use it to speak to him, while praying with a mentor of mine, Beth Yancey.

He realized that strongholds are hard to break. She’d meet him at work & manipulate the best she could. He’d keep meeting up with her, & every time he did, he was subjected to lies, & so the battle would go on. So, what would it take – more prayer? Laying on of hands? A theophostic deliverance meeting of church elders? Or would it take a miracle?

Well, if you don’t believe 1 Cor.10:13 – that God will always give you an escape route, away from temptation & sin, you will now. Even when my husband’s heart was to stay with his family, he would still be torn! I don’t understand it to this day. He lacked the willpower to break the addiction of his sin; the willpower to break another woman’s heart. At first she told him she’d keep their baby, no matter what (because she always wanted a piece of him with her, whatever happened). But then she’d turn around & say, “Make a choice. If you choose me, we can start this new family together, move to California, and my Dad will support us. You can still be a great father to Braylon. Parents share custody all the time. But, if you choose Chelan, I’ll abort the baby”. She played that card, hoping his clear pro-life views would cause him to leave his wife and son. He went back & forth & remained in a cloud of confusion & deceit, until his escape route showed up on Oct 18th, 2003.

Deliverence & The Way of Escape

It had been four days since they’d had contact (that was a big deal). For no apparent reason – not speed, weather, or other vehicles – he rounded a corner and crashed his motorcycle.  By the time the ER called me @ 7:50am, I had the baby in the car ready to take off to try & find the other girl’s house! I was thinkin’, “He should’ve been home by 6am. I know the area – he’s got to be there. Lord, how long are You going to have me pullin’ for this crumbling marriage?”  But instead of driving there, I was off to Emanuel Hospital where he’d been life-flighted & treated for head trauma. My thoughts switched to a different kind of panic, but with a strange relief, knowing that God could heal his physical wounds. And He did! Doctors gave him a 6-wk. recovery time, and just three days later, he was out. Four days after that, recovered.

Everyone we received council from (since the day of disclosure) had told us that ALL ties had to be completely severed with her. On Oct.25th, it’d been a full week – the longest amount of time they’d had with no contact at all. I had peace. As crazy as it sounds, we actually believe (in hindsight) that God orchestrated the accident. I picture Him up in the clouds reaching His big finger thru the clouds and just flicking him off his bike. Isaiah 55:9 reads that the Lord’s ways are higher than ours, & who knows…maybe God knew all along that it would take a crisis involving amnesia and head trauma to make this boy change!

At the hospital, as our minds turned from the affair to recovering from the accident, we realized he could no longer keep his job, driving a vehicle, because of his head injury. Then we were offered the opportunity to move to Medford. His mom and step dad already planned to move the very next weekend due to a job transfer on Oct 28th ’03.  Rick’s father in CA offered to pay all of our moving expenses…so with as much council & prayer as we could pack into those following 3-4 days, we decided to pack up all our stuff – and move. It was the hardest & best move we’d ever made since we were married, 260 miles south of all we knew.

A month or so later (one sleepless night after he drove back to Portland to find out about the baby) we found that “she” not only hated him by now, but chose to abort. We felt sad for the loss of that precious life, yet we were relieved that our connection w/her was completely broken.  It was a difficult  & strange night. There was peace in knowing there would be no split custody, & no excuses for her to see him or vice versa. He had the perfect opportunity to put his family first, regardless of the decision she made. And he took it.

Isolation & Dependence

Immediate connection with a recommended local pastor taught us the importance of seeking wise council and a Bible-believing church. He’d drop what he was doing to have lunch and talk with my man, whenever it was needed…always pointing him to the cross of Christ. Nightmares we both suffered, ended after 3-4 months. Our minds were being renewed with worship and the Word, by our Jehovah Shalom, our God of Peace.

Four months of unemployment after the move – with no savings – taught us that we could safely rely on God to provide. Get this! He even answered my prayers to lower the medical bills: in the year to follow, after I kept requesting financial hardship assistance, those 5 seperate hospital entities that billed us would drop our amount owed from $18 k to just $3 k! Meanwhile, all of our bills were paid & there was plenty of food. Our apartment was just steps away from his parents’ door, whenever we needed support, family friendship or some good ‘ol chicken spaghetti. It was so evident to us how our Jehovah Jirah looks after us & wants to meet our needs.

Rebuilding

My trust in him has slowly increased from “ground zero” (he’s worked so hard to rebuild it. At first it seemed that his every second & step was accounted for). As I’ve learned to trust more in God, & then my husband, I’ve let go of a lot worries. Intimacy came as a result. Our relationship with the Lord has grown so much, and I have come to (once again) experience God’s grace & healing in our life, this time as a couple under His covering. It is amazing. So, for healing my relationship with my husband, I’m just extatic & thank my Jehovah Rafah, our God who heals the broken.

To wrap this all up, you might be wonderin’, what’s life like now? My husby is so grateful for this new lease on life. After 9 mo.s of unemployment, he was given a job as a catalog layout artist with no experience, & had three raises within that 1st year. He’s been been blessed w/bonus graphic & media jobs on the side. In the last 2 years he’s been working hard for a family business, designing graphics & web sites. He’s more disciplined, determined & focused now more than ever before, even teaching himself several programs to further his career. All of  this is an astounding answer to 6 years of prayer for a purpose driven life and career! I just shake my head in disbelief sometimes.

From ’03-’06, I was able to spend my days just lovin’ on our son, Braylon. I was never faced with trying to explain the unexplainable to a toddler. He knows his Daddy well, and he doesn’t get scared or upset when Dad leaves, because he knows he’ll always be back soon. I got to watch them play together every evening – got to see my boy’s face light up every time that front door opened – got to listen to his giggle & got to witness him starting to walk in his father’s steps. I know he’s secure in his parents’ love, not just for him, but for each other. Once our marriage was restored & I knew I could trust again, we tried for a second child for nine months. Then nine months after that in Dec. ’06, our Angel from heaven came & completed this little famly of ours. Our God is EVER faithful.

“That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our inner strength in the Lord is growing every day. These troubles and sufferings of ours … won’t last very long. Yet this short time of distress will result in God’s richest blessing upon us forever and ever! So we do not look at what we can see right now, the troubles all around us, but we look forward to the joys in heaven which we have not yet seen. The troubles will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever.” ~ II Cor. 4:16-18

~~~

Instrumental influences:

Songs

For Rick: Complete In You – by, The Parachute Band, Come Just As You Are – by, The Maranatha Praise Band, Wow Worship (Green), You Cannot Lose My Love   by, Sara Groves, “Lord, take from me my life when I don’t have the strength to give it away to you” – lyrics from a Third Day song, Take my Life

For me: Small Enough (O Great God) by, Nichole Nordeman, Praise the Lord (He works through those why praise Him) by, Russ Taff

Books

The Bible: specifically Is.55 & 62:4, Zeph.3:17, 2Chron. 20, James 1:2-8, 2Cor.12:8-10, Rom.12:19-20, Jer. 14:17, 1 John 1:9, 1Cor. 10:13, Ps.19:14 (These are specific scriptures that spoke directly to me. I found them when I looked back at the journal I kept throughout the experience), The Power of a Praying Wife   by, Stormie O Martian, Betrayed Heart – a workbook/video series for women dealing with sexual betrayal, For Rick: A Purpose Driven Life by, Rick Warren (sent to him by his Dad in CA, with several chapters marked to read immediately while he was in the affair)

People

Jesus!!!

For me: Rick’s Mom: Janis Piland, who kept encouraging me to contend for victory in my marriage, another spiritual mentor of mine: Beth Yancey, Holly Migas & her husband (& their similar story), & our counselor whom we met with weekly & whom I would call at all hours for P.O.P. (prayer over the phone): Pastor Steve Glavan

For Rick: His Mom (Janis), step-dad (Bob), Medford pastor & brother of Doug Fairrington: John Fairrington, the Migas family & most of all, our precious bundle of inspiration, Braylon Emmanuel

Me, Braylon & Rick – Oct. ’03