Earlier tonight, I was tired and dozed off on the couch. I woke to noises from the 2nd floor. The thumping, screaming, running, jumping, scaring, throwing and more. At first, I was so annoyed. But then I had to check that emotion against the reality that there are many women who once had a child and once heard all those noises. But no longer do.
Some never had the opportunity to even hear them. Women like my long-time friend from Portland, Nancy, who lost her baby, Josiah. She got to hold him for four days. How our young-married group prayed for them! It took everything in me to not cry as I sang at the memorial service, but my tears would not be held as I watched the photo-presentation on screen as I listened to Nichole Nordeman sing the gentle and powerful song, “River God” . So many aren’t able to carry to term before the ultrasound no longer bears a heartbeat. My mom miscarried between my sister’s birth and mine. I have an “older” brother or sister, in heaven right now.
And then there’s Angie Smith, who has other children with her husband, Todd (singer in the band, Selah) but whose last child, Audrey, lost her life not long after birth. This woman is truly inspirational…to hundreds. I stopped reading her blog so often because every time I did, I was there for never less than an hour and never without tears.
I’ve learned little bits about perspective and the importance of friendships and reasons why we must endure pain. That life can go on, and with greater purpose and satisfaction after enduring. There may be an emptiness at times, but she reminds her readers that God is a friend who can fill the emptiness if we allow him.
And even if we find ourselves sad, it’s ok. It’s ok because we can still be fulfilled. With the presence and peace of the Spirit of God. I don’t understand it. It just happens. Anyway, from here on out, I think when I find myself annoyed or upset, I’m going to try to challenge myself. I’m going to try to put into practice a perspective that will change my whole attitude. Lord help me.