A 4-year Faith Journey Recap + Announcement for a New Writing Project!

Its been nearly 4 years since we discovered who we were created to be. Our identity. I mean, we’re still learning, of course, but November of 2014 was when our true selves and the knowledge of all that entails went from head-knowledge to heart knowledge. And when that happens, let me tell you – everything changes.

Something happened that late November weekend. It was like an unlocking or opening of a door to the supernatural – a realm that I didn’t know we could experience, interact with and even influence, like I know now.

At a small conference held in the gorgeous First Baptist Church downtown, I found myself surrounded by stained glass and the presence of God. It was the first time I had heard of Todd White as Renee Boucher casually said his name from the stage – something like, “you’ve probably seen things like it on a Todd White video…”.  I immediately wrote in my journal, “look up Todd White on YouTube”.

After I got home, I did, and I was immediately addicted to his videos displaying a level of healing power, words of knowledge, and boldness I hadn’t seen before. I texted Ricky (who was on a sort of business trip staying at a mansion that belonged to a CEO of a global Christian nonprofit). He obliged me and watched a couple videos too, and interestingly, the gut feeling he had about saying “NO” to partnering with this man – was confirmed right afterward.  The CEO was just going to use him and try & manipulate him like he did with many, many others.  God saved Ricky from making the poor business decision to partner with him.

That was the same trip (Atlanta) where I secretly shoved “Who I Am in Christ” into Ricky’s carry-on. Those Todd White videos led to a more open mind and heard for both of us, and increased our faith like crazy.  For Ricky, they led to him memorizing the 33 statements Neil T Anderson wrote, on Who We Are. What else was he going to do with his 5 hours on his flight home?

Once home, we exhausted Todd’s videos which led us to some other Youtube videos – we were careful which ones to watch and made sure to exit out of anything that had a prosperity-gospel bent or a way about them that was way to weird. We leaned into God and tried to let him direct us. Dan Mohler soon came across our “recommended” videos – an everyday “no-name” pastor from Pennsylvania (Todd’s first mentor) and after watching his videos, we were so pumped and encouraged that we started exploring prophetic risk-taking in our day to day lives.

Around that time, things started shifting in us. We’ve stopped being influenced negatively by media/news, offended and hurt by people, scared by life’s circumstances or Satan’s attacks, even getting sick much, having financial hardship, or dealing w/“normal” tough breaks like car breakdowns or job losses. We also started doing our own learning of the scriptures and worshiping at home more often than we ever used to. The atmosphere at home changed. Conversations changed. Our Sundays changed…and expanded.

We can’t explain it, except that it aligns with what we studied for nine months together earlier that year ~ what the kingdom of God can be like here on earth. It looks like favor, blessing, love and power on display. It feels like peace and flows over with righteousness.

This all may sound like a testimony of what WE got. But it’s not about us. In fact, it is actually the story of Matthew 6:33 on a personal level: seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, & all these things will be added unto you. It’s about the seeking and coming to know our Creator more intimately. We were seeking. Like we still are, and like we’ve never sought before. Especially never as a couple.

Could it be – that all our needs could be met and more…could it be that we could take part in divine interactions, and literally be used as conduits of his glory FOR his glory, here? Could we not only see miracles happen and not be surprised – and not have to wait for someone more “holy” or “qualified” from the church establishment to be in on the kingdom action? The only way we could really know was to sniff out and shut out the world’s lies we’d heard and believed – especially the religious doctrines we’d heard over the last 4 decades, as pastors’ kids and church junkies. We had to strip away all the add-on’s that were never there in the original text of four gospels. I had to ask myself – If Jesus was our example, why am I not doing what He did?  The answer came to me – because I was taught variations of the truth. Not the solid, undiluted truth about Jesus, His character, His lifestyle, what his death defeated for us all, and what His Holy Spirit provided us when he left the earth.

A new dimension of his love has been revealed to us and it keeps growing. We are so grateful. It has reached down from heaven to our searching hearts.

It has cleared up the cloudy, stabilized the shaky, restored the broken pieces of our past and made us secure ~ in every way.  Isn’t it amazing and crazy and almost hard to believe?

That’s why I praise him. I love filling the house with songs, sometimes yelling them as loud as I can. I would not care if windows broke. I would just laugh. Because after all we’ve gone through, there’s one thing I know for sure – He’s worthy!!

So what’s next?

We just can’t get beyond the subject of that book that mischievously found its way into Ricky’s carry on back in 2014.  We’ve realized we may never go beyond it, because it is FOUNDATIONAL to the Christian faith, to overcoming and to expanding the kingdom of God. Identity.

Ricky has written over 10 books since then, and after receiving two very specific prophetic words from Godly men who don’t know each other (or me, very well)… I am finally embarking on a writing journey of my own. I am super excited to put it out there – that I’ve started writing a book, well, actually it will be more like a study journal,  that will dispell many lies, shed light on many truths and establish that crucial foundation of real God-designed identity – in the hearts of its readers. Its truth will (I say in faith) bring them out of depression, bi-polar and other mental illnesses…set free those pummeled by addiction…clear up misconceptions about who we are and why we’re here on the earth, and set aflame a desire for the “more” that is available in the Spirit. For there is always more.

It will serve as a tool for men and women both, but I’m guessing more women – to be aligned with the person God always created them to be – and to discover how close that looks to who HE is. Those looking to mine the gold from their past will discover how their past experiences have shaped them into the one of a kind mosaic work of art they are, and how their unique beauty will shine now.

I’m embracing this truth once again, only this time throughout my writing journey, for myself and for my readers: that NOTHING is impossible with God.

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How to Know When You’re Deceived

A close friend of mine quotes this phrase to me at times, “The very nature of deceit implies you don’t realize you’re held captive by it.” Sounds like something else, doesn’t it? Like being in denial? We’ve all known someone who’s been in that dark and disillusioned place, and may have called it home, ourselves.

What a hopeless state, where you can see someone you love is being fooled, or lied to; you can see the lies affecting them in a constant drip, never letting up, but your important words seem impotent. You watch the cycle of believed lies bearing rotten fruit which poisons the soul – yet your truth and guidance seem to fall on deaf ears.

These times can turn into seasons, marked with wrong thinking. And seasons, into a defeated life. How can anyone return to truth and reality when the lies we believe – we call the truth, and the facade we believe – we call our reality?  Another name for this is “belief perseverance“. Even when overwhelming evidence is presented, one’s false belief can be sustained (because fear is motivating them to stay in it).

Before change can occur, something needs to switch first. This switch must be the work of God, and its name is revelation. Only God can reveal to us what is fully true about a situation or about a person. Scripture says He is truth. And He is really, really good at gently revealing things to us when we ask.

Did you know the word “verily” means truthfully? In the single gospel of John, Jesus says the words, “Verily, verily…” 25 times! He was trying to get his listeners to trust that what he says is always true.  Are you one of those listeners today? Ask Him to give you some of His thoughts on what is true, and He’ll deliver. Pray for revelation.

What if you’re in that very situation where you don’t realize you’re believing lies?  You can actually start a new habit and ask God in every season, even if you think you’re “good” – “Am I being deceived about something right now?” What a simple prayer. His answer may come quicker than you think.

He may bring a phrase to mind. Or a person who is fooling you into believing something false about yourself.  He longs for you to know the truth, and not just keep it at knowing, but to take it further into believing. Along the same lines as the famous Edmond Burke quote, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”, a dormant (unbelieved) truth may as well be an active lie. We all believe lies and lies by nature, bind and enslave, whether we’re conscious of it or not. But truth can only lead to fruit-bearing freedom when it is shared in love and rooted in belief.

There is a line from a song that reads, “Jesus, the name above every other name”. As I was thinking about the defeating effects of name-calling a few weeks ago during a church service, everyone started singing this song. And this line became highlighted to me in a whole new way. And I prayed, Jesus, may your name be elevated above all other names. May the names you call me be the names I call myself – may they be above every other name I’ve ever been called or call myself as a result of a deep-rooted lie.

Disclaimer: the truth can look ugly at first. This kind of truth is called confession. Even if it feels ugly, and is difficult to utter, if it is admitted with a humble heart, this kind of truth is beautiful and nurturing. When it is spilled out, it can water the ground for more truth to grow in your heart. It can look like this, “God I suck at being a friend. I’ve failed so many times. Help me.” And then his overcoming truth will start to populate your mind with encouraging thoughts, “You’re my child. Of course, I will help you.” “My mercies are new every morning.” “You are not a bad friend. You’re just struggling with the concept of loyalty to this particular person, in this particular season.” “Keep your eyes on me, I will help you because I love you and you are worth it to me.”

As you can tell, this isn’t a step by step guide to knowing when you’re deceived, but more like a few ways to equip you to climb out of that ditch of denial, and to pass along the hope I have that real and loving truth, when believed, will bring you to a place of unbelievable freedom.

Let’s dare to ask for revelation and insight, dare to confess the hard truths in order to change our thoughts to match his, and also dare to be that friend who persistently loves with the truth, no matter the cost.

A New Default for Problem-Solving

How often do you find yourself in a situation where you’re at a loss of what to do – or how to react?

Maybe you’ve already tried 6 ways of dealing with a specific child, and have run out of the energy and even the will to come up with one more thing that could solve their current problem. It seems that whatever group of children I have in my care, there is usually at least one who, for a season, makes me truly at a loss. So if I’m not conscious about its spiritual aspect, I will let it go on for days or even weeks – trying to come up with solutions using human logic and reasoning.

I forget sometimes, that I serve a God who solves problems all the time, and his solutions often bypass logic and reasoning. He was showing me this week that the road to discovering a divine solution (revelation) is paved with relationship. It is not in his nature to always come right out and tell us what the answer is, or see us trying different things and then suddenly download a wisdom file about the issue at hand. Instead, he waits for us to make the first move. Kind of like he did with Jeremiah:  “The Lord gave him this second message… ‘ask me and I will tell you some remarkable secrets about what is going to happen here’.” (33:1-3)

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This week, my challenge was to stop making my own ways of problem-solving – my default ways. And to make going to Him for his thoughts – my new default setting.  If there is emotional or relational chaos, frustration, anxiety, confusion, academic setbacks, depression, rage or other behavioral stress, He is reminding me that I can ask him what his solution is. And then wait. Expect him to answer. This is where I can go off-track too. I can pray…and even expect him to answer me, but then forget to listen for the answer.

Listening for an answer is a discipline that takes focus and intention. It takes turning down the noise of the everyday activities…and getting quiet. Last night, I prayed for a solution for a child, and the Lord literally woke me up at 2:30 with one. Even then, as I pondered it in bed, my natural first thought was not to thank him for doing this. It was, “Why am I thinking about this in the middle of the night? I should be sleeping!” And then it hit me. “Ohhh… that’s right. I prayed for this. God, this isn’t me, it’s you. You’re answering me. Thank you.”

See, this is the point where I have been deceived so often. The enemy has convinced me that it’s just my own voice, when God Himself has spoken. And sometimes because I don’t hear Him audibly, and all I get is that whisper still and small, the enemy comes in, lies to me saying it’s just me (minimizing or discrediting the voice of God like he did to Eve) and that’s all that I need to hear, to dismiss it – forgetting that the closer I grow with the Father, the more my voice sounds like His voice. For the Word of God through Paul says (“But we have the mind of Christ [to be guided by His thoughts and purposes].” –1 Corinthians 2:16).

Why did He reply to me in the night? It’s when I’m most at peace, and when it is most quiet in my home.

I believe the more we realize we can come to Him and ask “Can you tell me your thoughts about this?”, the more of a space it creates for intimacy to grow between us and the Father. And that intimate space is perfect for kingdom-secret-telling. It is a natural space that has actually been ours to share with Him since the day we said YES to following Jesus and everything in Him became our inheritance. We just don’t realize or utilize fully the access we’ve inherited. 

Here are some scriptures I found on getting closer with God and how He can hide and reveal wonderful things to his kids:


Daniel 2:22 (NKJV) says:  “He reveals deep and secret things; He knows what is in the darkness, And light dwells with Him.”

In John 15:15 (NIV) Jesus talks about abiding in him (referring to ongoing connection and intimacy) and says the sweetest thing: “I no longer call you servants because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”  

So could this mean that what qualifies someone as a friend of Jesus, is the passing along of revelation He’s gotten from his Father? Solutions – new names – purposes – concepts – words of wisdom and knowledge – bold and creative ideas – He feels comfortable sharing these with us. And this three-way communication between Father, Son and us – His adopted and beloved, means we’re friends. How humbling this is to accept.

Proverbs 25:2 says “It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, But the glory of kings is to search out a matter.”  To me, this is referring to God – as the King of kings – and us being the lower-case kings. It’s saying he loves to bring glory to himself by keeping things from us for a season, because he knows that the experience we have in searching out his answers and finding them at just the right time – is a glorious adventure, for us!

Ephesians 1:9  “He made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ”

Proverbs 4:18 “The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.”  What a vision that is. We are declared righteous…and our path in life – or perhaps in a season of life – is meant to grow lighter and more clear – like a pathway illuminates with the sunrise. I love this so much.

Let’s trust that He’s never ever stumped – He knows with omniscient wisdom the solution to every single problem we face – at school, in relationships, at home – everywhere! He’s just waiting for us to switch our default setting to “ASK…LISTEN…WAIT…and TRUST”. So lean in. He will speak to you, passing on what you need from the Father – because believe it or not, he calls you His friend.

Just Ask for the Milk

I was recently at the closest grocery store to my house – the one I go to for all the convenient things we eat or need – Grocery Outlet. I love that place…I just make sure I look at the expiration dates on dairy before I put it in my cart, but I love it there because they really do have what we need – all except “lactose-free” milk. I’ve been shopping there for years now, and every time, I just felt as if I had to make two separate trips – an additional one to Fred Meyer, JUST for our lactose-free milk. It’s so annoying! But I’ve just always done it.

Then it dawned on me to ask if it’s possible to get it there. Yeah… after almost 5 years, I thought to ask. The checker got a manager, and she walked up, and I asked her if I could ask for an item that I continue to not see -one that our family uses all the time. She turned me down right away, “Sorry, the way we work is that we get items delivered to our main warehouse from other stores, and if it’s not there, it’s just not there.” So I replied, “Oh, so it’s not possible to make a request for an item?” “Hmm… No, not really. No. Sorry.”

I normally would have just thanked her for her time and left, but that day I thought, why not let her know what it is. Not that it would change the policy or how they work, but why not. So I looked down, and then up at her again, this time, specific, “…it’s lactose-free milk. Not soy, almond, cashew, or coconut milk. Lactose-free.” She repeated it back to me and then said, I can ask our warehouse guy that does our orders to see if he can look for it next time he pulls he does one. Do you mind waiting here for a few minutes?”

“Not at all”, I said, surprised. And a few minutes later she returned.  “He said he’d add it to the order Thursday, and it can be here Friday. Homogenized or 2%?”

“2%.”

“Is $2.57 ok?”

“Yep! Thank you.”

What just happened? She went from saying they don’t “do requests for certain items” to “we can order that item for you this week”! What’s the difference?

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As I walked away, I heard her yell back to me, “2%, right?” I yelled back, “Yes. Thanks!”

And this might seem like the silliest analogy because it’s about milk of all things, but I really do feel like God was telling me as I drove home,

“Be specific when you ask for what you need of me. Even if it feels like the odds are against you. Even if you’ve not experienced it yet. Just ask. You never know.
I might say, Yes. I can do that.” This was a “wink from God” that really encouraged and empowered me.

Voicing Praise Will Shake the Faulty Foundation of Lies

One night, it was around midnight, on the other side of the planet, two guys were thrown in prison – wrongfully. But their prayer and praise and hymn singing resulted in earth and soul-shaking miracles.

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The very foundations of the prison were shaken. This was literal. Today, we do not find ourselves in literal prisons – but rather, demonic strongholds, or fortresses. These strongholds also have foundations. What would be the foundation of addiction, for example? The foundation of depression? The foundation of pride? I would venture to suggest that the foundation for most if not all demonic strongholds – that which all outward symptoms are built upon, is deceit. Lies.

When we see our prison-like circumstance as an opportunity to lift up the name of Jesus (in prayer and praise), the very foundation upon which demons have been stationed – becomes powerfully shaken! The core of their arsenal, their “Big Guns”, Lies, are dismantled. Rendered impotent.

And as a result, every time, there is a releasing. There is a spiritual opening of doors, and breaking of chains! 😳

There is a supernatural freedom that accompanies the proclamation of Truth.

But notice – the last 4 words of this passage. “Everyone’s chains were unfastened.”

Freedom did not just come to Paul and to Silas. But when they used their voices in the midst of their utter agony, sitting in their pools of blood, to give praise to Jesus, and lift up expectant prayers…everyone around them who was held captive became free! Paul and Silas’s decision to praise in the prison directly resulted in not just their own release, but the release of everyone else in that dungeon.

Our praise in duress. Our fervent, expectant prayer. Our singing – can do the same. Make it loud. Our God will shake the enemy to his core. He will open doors that were sealed and locked before. He will unfasten tight chains that were once the source of pain.

When have you encountered immediate freedom from bondage after deciding to sing, praise and pray to Jesus?

To be Remembered as Your Preschool Teacher

Sometimes I wonder how much of a difference I’m making in the lives of the preschoolers I teach. I wonder why I’m throwing so much of myself into this.

I know I’m there to demonstrate love, first, to nurture and teach them their ABC’s, bend down and coach them on how to write their first name, and give them room to explore and play like tiny civil humans. I know I do so much more than that, too. Like… give them tips on pencil-holding, nose-blowing, turn-taking, Bible verse-remembering, and germ-containing.

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Curious…but Content

Tonight we were called “downstairs” for a little meeting with our landlords, to discuss some changes in the future. We kinda knew what this meant… a move is upon us. There are many, many good things about this, including the fact that they’re giving us 5+ months notice!

As I lay down next to Angel and Braylon individually when it was time for bed, and asked them both to pray, they both did. And they both thanked God genuinely for the time we’ve had here at 1528 Hess Creek Ct. in Newberg. By the time we move, around July 1, I assume, it will be 5 years in this gorgeous home and quaint little town together.

I wrapped up each of their prayers with a declaration of faith and thanksgiving, to God, for preparing the way ahead for us. And as we delight in Him, and seek His Kingdom, our desires will be met ~ and even more. This is not a hope or a hunch. It is a promise.

And I am curious… but content.