Strength – a poem for Carly

She dug further down in the deep of her heart
And the further she went, the more pain would impart
Past the rejection, past all the lies
For their protection, she casts off disguise

She sees it all
But is blind to her own strength
She sees it all…but her strength

      Upholding them
      Supporting them

      With the strength
      She has from above

In the very last days he spent on this earth
She would fight for the rights of the two she gave birth
Walking the tightrope, shaking with fear
Helping them say all he needed to hear

She sees it all
But is blind to her own strength
She sees it all… but her strength

      Upholding them
      Supporting them

      With the strength
      She has from above

The strength she has from above
From above
She fights with the strength
From above

With the strength from above

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Death Be Not Proud – a poem about Nathan’s Win

Death be not proud

That you’ve gained one more soul

It was not a win for you

Swallowing whole

His breath and energy

Cancer and pain

You may count it as yours

But this loss is yet gain

 

Friends and dear family

Daughter and son

Draw near to heaven

Where life’s now begun

His grace is a blanket

His comfort a salve

His presence with Nathan

Is here with you now

 

Death be not proud

For this world is not home

For this earth which we roam

Will assault heart and bone

Rather, home is our city

In heaven and light

So I raise my proud fist

For one hell of a fight

Three Months to Love

I cried today…

…when I took Angel to school, dropped her off, hung out a while and then had to leave when it sunk in that no chaperones called in sick and there was no room for me on the field trip to go see “The Adventures of Frog and Toad” play downtown. That was one of my favorite books i used to read to Angel and Braylon in Texas. I waited until I rounded the corner to the hallway, and the tears took me off guard. I couldn’t hold them back for nearly 20 minutes. I guess…you just never know when it may be the last day you have with someone you love.

…when it dawned on me that our friend since before we were married, Nate, may not live through the summer. He is 38. It is a reality, the cancer that is growing, spreading in his body. And although our God is just as real, Nate’s Doctor is giving him three months to live. And I just typed “love” with my big thumb, instead of “live”, which is really more accurate. Three months to love.

…when Angel put on “Hymn of Remembrance” by Warr Acres, on my iPhone and plugged it into the loud house-speakers.
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S63GblduLcs&sns=em)

…when I texted with Kim my sister in law, and was reminded of how much they are missing in Texas, not bein here in the NW… & how much she is missed here. Their family not being here just does not seem right and it makes me sad that they are 2100 miles away. Perhaps a Foursquare pastor position will open up around here and they will get to move back.

…when I watched Love Happens ~ a romantic drama with Jennifer Aniston about a motivational speaker who has a hard time overcoming his fears and denial about the death of his wife three years prior.

…when over dinner, we told Braylon and Angel the news of Nate’s prognosis & failing health, and Braylon began to cry, using his purple tee shirt to dab his tears. My eyes welled up too, when I saw his emotions showing. And then Angel said her eyes were getting watery. She is not as close to Nate as Bray. And doesn’t quite understand the finality of death like Bray might. But she is certainly compassionate and suddenly becomes sad when she sees others sad.

…when I called my friend and fellow musician, Shawn, to ask if he would be willing to play the song I wrote for Nate, and he said he has all day tomorrow free. Now I’ll be able to sing it while he plays acoustic, & Kenny is making himself available to record it for Nate to be able to listen/watch it on YouTube, (per his request as he spoke w/Ricky tonight).

I’m tired now. I’m fasting. Which is making things more exaggerated, I’m sure.

Thank you, Father, for bringing me through today and for the sweet short visit from my mom who brought me my dinner: a Venti White Mocha, extra hot, w/an extra shot.

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Who Inspires You?

It’s a rare thing to find someone who inspires you. I mean really inspires you to be a better person.  Lately for me, it’s been Matt Chandler. Since Nov. ’09, when our local pastor told us about another pastor we’d probably enjoy listening to online, Ricky & I checked him out… & his honest, funny & applicable style has reeled us in weekly for new challenging messages.

But since the New Year, I’ve checked back to The Village Church site to listen for another reason: to get blog updates on how he’s dealing with the biggest trial of his life. On Thanksgiving morning ’09, he had a seizure & was shortly after, diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor.

After much prayer, Matt & his family decided to fight this battle publicly instead of privately, so he’s giving updates to his congregation and online listeners & receiving much support.

His character is so admirable. His perspective is so refreshingly different. His selfless response to affliction is one like I’ve never seen…as close to how my Savior, Jesus would respond, as I’ve ever seen demonstrated by anyone.

To give you a more tangible idea of what I mean, I’ll leave you with a few videos of Matt Chandler’s updates ~ the 1st taken before his brain surgery to remove the tumor & the 2nd, obviously taken afterward.


Just curious… Who inspires YOU? and Why?

worship to a new song…from hillsong: “HEALER”

UPDATED 8/21: what i’ve learned about this song’s writer is disappointing…but it doesn’t change the fact that God doesn’t change. the lyrics still ring true. the most impacting way to glorify God is through our lifestyles. and the most impacting time? when we are in our most broken state.

i’m praying that through this controversy, the essence of true grace be realized in churches & Christians worldwide. for more on this story, i’ll just “ping” you over to chris from canada who’s posted some really great thoughts & discussion…and has more time than myself, to write on this.

how ’bout this week, let’s think about what God’s Word says: pray for those who hurt you.

7/9: how can we not worship HIM!? every time we do, truth rings in our hearts & our faith is strengthened.