Today is Christmas. We tried to shy away from giving a lot of presents this yr (not just cause we don’t have a lot to spend, but cause the main focus should be on Jesus, since it is His birthday)…but I think Braylon felt a little left out. I just found him scurrying around Papa Bob & Gramma’s house and our car, looking for something to give them.
He found some gingerbread cookies, a cool rock & some colored paper clips…which he thought was really cool. I found a box for him and he proudly fit all the contents inside, covered them w/tissue paper & then his Daddy provided a pencil & a post-it note in lieu of a Christmas card.
The joy of giving
A heart-felt thank-you
Papa Bob’s Paper Clip “boy-ring”
Then Jesus said, Come to me, all of you who are weary & carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest.
when i am weary and carry a heavy burden, i pray and i sing. talking to God does something inside of me that takes the focus off of me, even when i’m talking about me. and doing the very thing he’s gifted me to do, sing, brings me joy. it can be anything, but when i sing something that gives Him glory, He stays true to His word…and shows up. He inhabits the praises of His people. Knowing He is there takes a certain load off of me – like, i’m really not trying to do it all alone…something so easy for me to forget.
i can count on Him to show up & give me strength when i do what He’s gifted me to do, in His honor. if i have sin not dealt with, i ask him to make me clean and do my best to do a 180 in that area. it’s refreshing to know that He doesn’t hold grudges. He’s not angry with me (or you), disappointed or surprised when i’ve done wrong. All he asks is that i accept his Son’s sacrifice for it…and go on with my life. sounds easy, but it can be tough to do in an achievement-based, ‘if you work hard enough at something, you can get it done’ world-view.
but that’s one thing i love about the Gospel. it’s just too good…but not too good to be true.
i have this urge to write more songs, sing ’em, & learn chords to them on my black shiny 6-string. the urge to act on the art within won’t go away…not that i want it to. it fades from the front of my mind to the sides, & some days sinks to the bottom pleading with me all the while to let it out. what i struggle with is who i’m supposed to let it out to.
i’m writing, maybe posting it on my songs, poems or lyrics page. i’m singing it to my family (but usually to myself trying to perfect it in my mind – love those shower acoustics!). i may find chords to it, play it as best i can, & then wait. on what? i don’t know! i used to be able to bring a selection (cover or original) up to a song leader i knew & could collaborate with on it. i have no one like that here. i tried craigslist ads, but two ads that i responded to so far didn’t work out. i tried my church’s 2 bands, but one’s not open to recruiting & the other i’m meeting with in a few weeks…so we’ll see. i think they’re lookin’ to keep doing all covers w/the david crowder band pop worship theme & may need one more bgv (background vocalist).
my heart is open to whatever God wants. it really is. but it burns for outreach. i may try connecting w/other artists thru above grounds, but there are so many in austin, it can be overwhelming. it’s not that i need an audience. God has been my main audience for, goin’ on 3 yrs now. i just dont want to miss an opportunity to bless anyone he puts in my path…or to grow in my potential by working w/other talented artists.
for now… i’m waiting with as much patience as i can muster, i’m writng, i’m changing poopy diapers, i’m singing & dancing around the house, i’m doing dishes, i’m playing the same old chord progressions over & over while the laundry pile seems to reproduce before my eyes (ew, that was a strangely vulgar image), i’m making chicken spaghetti, i’m writing and singing lullabies. i’m running out of gas.
it makes my heart slow & my eyes fill when i think about it long. i so want to learn more, create more music & serve a lot more ~ with all i have. you’d think since he put ’em all in me, he’d show me how to get them out…these gifts he’s given. maybe someday soon.