Lost and Found – a song I wrote about fulfillment & intimacy

Lost & Found

By, Chelan Rene’ Russ

2005 – Chords uncertain

You formed me from the depths; You made me your own

My range of thoughts are listened to; so I might as well expose

My deepest fears (that) I’ve held on too tightly for (all these) years

I choose to surrender & be…

Lost in the fullness of you

In the mountains of your grace (You are…)

Found in the emptiness of me (yeah)

Intimacy, Intimacy

With surroundings unfamiliar, I feel unknown

Tryin’ to make myself important; a vice to which I’m prone

Help me – to see – my value lies in nothing that I do,

But in Whom I belong to! I am…

(Chorus 2): Lost in the fullness of you

In the ocean of your love (where you are…)

Found in the emptiness of me (yeah)

Intimacy, (true) Intimacy (is when I’m…)

Chorus 1: Lost in the fullness of you

In the mountains of your grace (you’re finally)

Found in the emptiness of me (of me)

Intimacy, Intimacy

(Softer): Found in the emptiness

Of a broken vessel,

broken pride (linger on this note)


Intimacy, Intimacy

Intimacy, Intimacy

Slower: Intimacy (Lord) See into me

Intro:

I wrote this song in reflection upon the previous year & how I’d become so self-absorbed, self-focused. After being a part of one church since age two, & a pastor’s kid at that, I moved to Southern OR. After 9 months of searching & praying, we found a great new church home & I thought I should join their worship team to make myself useful.

After reading a book, The Heart of the Artist, I can see now how I very slowly began receiving my self-worth from singing – in how many mistakes I made while on stage, or how many compliments I received later that day.

But if I take Him at His Word, I’m his child, worth everything to Him; I could be deaf, mute, blind, & brain-dead and not be loved any less than as I am right now…or as I have been in my past – right in the middle of sin. He gives his love & grace to us simply because we’re his kids.

Inspirations:

* Psalm 139:13-14, 23-24 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it!

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

* Jeremiah 29:12-13 (NLV) In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

* Matthew 16:24-26 (The Message) Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself?

* Table Rock Fellowship – Medford, OR

real-ationship

i was just thinking and thanking today – about how God wants to have a “down to earth” relationship with me. He created each of us to have a one-on-one intimate friendship, where we talk, back and forth. where we appreciate each others’ abilities and what sets us apart from everyone else. where our closeness leaves no room for pretense. where trust is the ripe fruit born of the tree of unconditional love.

i’m so glad that i don’t have to fake it with Him. even if i tried, he’d see right through my facade & call my bluff. i was worshiping today and i couldn’t stop the tears from dripping down my cheeks, darkening my satin blouse. i knew my mascara was messed up, my head felt like the woman’s from that nyquil commercial (trying to get over a cold) & i looked like i lacked 5 hrs of sleep, despite my hurried efforts to ‘paint the barn’. but when i got in the car with family waiting, at least my braylon said, “mommy, you look beautiful! your face does, but i like your hair when it’s down …and your shirt is so pretty. the sleeves go poofy out and then in & then out again like a princess.”  i don’t know if he was prompted to say any of that by another thoughtful guy…but i don’t care. it got the job done.

not long ago i messed up by not censoring (or even praying before i wrote & sent) an email to someone who barely knows me. how stupid was i. now this man’s judgment is clouded by my brutal unsolicited honesty and i’m sure he thinks of me as this or that…but you know, after apologizing, i just had to resign to the fact that i am who i am.

i look like this. i act like that. God, you deal with it, the good, bad & ugly. it doesn’t matter! look at me, naked in the noonday sun. i was made by you & for you…so give it to me straight. what needs changin’. what i think of myself means so little. what others think about me means even less. what solomon wrote in ecclesiastes is true…oh, and in the song, bohemian rhapsody…nothing really matters.

nothing… except a real relationship with my Creator. what he thinks of me is what matters. i can walk with him and talk with him and he tells me i am his own. Genesis 3:8 says, “And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden, in the cool of the day:” oh, to be back in the Garden.

…but what so astounds me is that i can have closeness with him right here & right now… he wants it, like a loving father wants closeness with his child, interested in every aspect & accepting regardless of flaws.

i am amazed and humbled.