But Such As I Have, Give I Thee

6/21/13: TAZ. (Vancouver’s Mill Plain 112th st. exit). I stopped & stayed thru a light to talk.

I said hi, and he said it back, & asked how my day was. “Great!”, I exclaimed and then apologized I didn’t have money to give him & he smiled in return and reassured me, “that’s ok! At least you rolled your window down and smiled at me!” I asked his name, and he he said “Taz” with a certain amount of confidence. He quickly asked for mine, and when I said Chelan, I was about to explain the origin, but he beat me to it…”it’s Native American isn’t it?”
Yes! I replied. How’d u know?
“For 18 years I was married to a woman named Tama, who was part Native American”.
“Oh, wow!” I replied. “My name means ‘deep waters’.” He did his best to give a compliment perhaps feeling like he owed me something for my time and attention, “deep, like your eyes.” But he seemed sincere.
I knew I’d raised my sunglasses for a reason. Looking into someone’s eyes without a layer of shades really does give a greater sense of intimacy and says without words, I’m not afraid of you or getting to know you.

“Well, I better go”, I said…this time using words. “Maybe I’ll see you later!?”.

He flashed his smiled again, bearing a missing space that a tooth once filled,
“I sure hope so!”

As I drove off, he obviously wanted to keep talking. I didn’t have money, gift card or even a Cliff Bar or after school snack I keep a stash of by the console. I had nothing of monetary value. But such as I had, gave I he. My smile, my time, my eye contact, a quick 3 or 4 minutes of sweet conversation.

Pray for Taz. Pray that we all become prepared to give whatever we have in a moment of someone else’s need. It may not make the lame walk, but it could very well make a homeless person’s day. It could be just what he needs to boost his self esteem and see a glimpse of his true value. Taz is important. Valued.
Loved by God.

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The Vacuum Dance

I was confronted. I was confused. I was searching my heart for any fault. Were these accusations true? Were they false & brought up to me because of underlying jealousy toward me? I didn’t know then, and even today, I still don’t. But one thing I do know, is that all the questioning I was doing, made me doubt who I was and what my purpose was. It was March of 2005, and as winter was blowing its chilly goodbye-kiss, I waited for spring to give me a warm welcome. But the questions and accusations in my mind would not let up. A month crept by. I felt more judged by outsiders. The sun came, but I was still cold, and digressing into depression. Continue reading

An Afternoon @ the Taylor Rest Home

God is teaching us today about the futility of boredom,  the life-giving power of kind words, the importance of eye contact and touch, a surprising connection between old and young, and the hope of a purpose-filled life on earth. The sand will run out sooner than we think.  And I think again, am I pursuing what is only temporary? Or will I commit to pursuing that which will last?

Oh, that this conviction would linger…

AngeLingo…about our dachshund’s boogers & happiness

Earlier tonight Angel was just crackin’ me up…running to the bathroom, running back to the couch (where we were all trying to watch Bedtime Stories), and she puts some toilet paper up to Daphne’s nose & says seriously, “Ok, blow!” and then as if it will help Daphne to see it visually demonstrated, Angel blows as hard as she can out her nose Continue reading

A Quote I Read Today

“God’s goal is not to make sure you’re happy.  Life is not about your being comfortable, happy, successful, and pain free.  It is about becoming the man or woman God has called you to be.  Life is not about you.  It’s about God.  He doesn’t exist to make us happy.  We exist to bring Him glory.”

what’s one thing you will do to take the focus off of yourself and bring God glory today?

compassion is…touching childrens’ lives from across the globe

i’m writing once a month about a fave & trusted organization (compassion international) to help spread the word, so that we can spread the hope.

the first time i heard about it was years ago from mac powell himself, lead singer of third day (who just landed a gig on ‘the tonight show with jay leno’, on july 29th! -mark your calendars!!). it happened to be about when i remember praying, ‘enlarge my territories!’ from the ‘prayer of jabez‘. well, we finally got to trusting God enough to supply us the funds to support this cause, & it turned out to be pretty darn easy. we don’t even miss the $32…in fact, God has been really rewarding our efforts to give, in ways we never thought he would! i’m not kiddin’. we’ve seen major increase. you test it out & see for yourself! here’s all we did:

i just sat at the computer w/braylon, & together we picked a child his exact age. i signed up (choosing auto-withdrawal). soon we got a welcome packet w/the basics, wrote our 1st letter including a picture of braylon & a picture he colored for his new friend, & ba-da-bing! a few weeks later, how special did my little boy feel when opening a great lil surprise in the mail – his first letter back (translated from spanish by a tutor) & a picture drawn by his sponsored kid/penpal! it’s been wonderful.

today we get to send him a birthday package (we were able to choose a boy whose 6th birthday is the same week as braylon’s!) ~ ‘jhonatan’ will be opening up a gift: spiderman stickers & a card game to go with bray’s hand-written birthday wishes & verse. i am so thankful for this new way to share w/my kiddo how compassion & perspective can change lives.

fathers, sons, love & forgiveness

wait! this one’s a long post, but it’s a good thinker, hang with me here!!

But when the right time came, God sent his Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children. And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.” Now you are no longer a slave but God’s own child. And since you are his child, God has made you his heir. – Gal 4:4-7 (NLT)

i love how God sent his Son to earth, spoke to him as his Son, & treated him as a Son should be treated. now we have the awesome privilege of making that comparison with our own children. we can see so much more clearly how to parent our own, and even more importantly, how to view ourselves as the precious, priceless children of God we are. when we hurt ourselves, are hit w/sickness or feel pain by another (in any way), he is immediately there to pick us up, squirt some bactine, give us a bandage & a hug if we will dare to reach for him. ok, not literally, but at least thru the body of Christ if you’re plugged in somewhere & absolutely thru His Word. but so often when a natural father disappoints, we attribute those failures and faults to our heavenly Father. why?!?! i guess doubt creeps in…squelching our faith in any kind of father figure. with every shattered hope, from sexual abuse to never receiving a hug; from an unfulfilled promise of a phone call to a no-show during the birth of your daughter, comes an opportunity to do one of two things. either

a.) build walls of protection to no longer “feel” hurt (which like denial, never really works) or

b.) dare to reach with faith as a child in a desperate state, for our Father in heaven.

hmmm…case in point ~ it’s 2:18am & my daughter, who’s fighting a fever & goopy droopy eyes just woke up crying. it was only natural for me to get up at the sound of her cry and go to her, give her medicine, pray & rock her in my arms. i wonder…how much more does our own Creator & Saviour long for that closeness every time we cry.

i’m learning (from books by john bevere & also nancy missler), that a danger in building protective walls is while they seem to keep hurt out, they also keep love in. in order to love as God does, unconditionally, we h a v e to make ourselves vulnerable. if we hold anything against them, we for our own growth need to say to our earthly father figures (if only in our minds), ‘you may have wounded me. it’s not okay, but i will still love you, because now that i am a child of God, i aim to love as he loves. completely opposite of natural love…it is this new agape love. the kind that is not selfish. expects nothing in return. gives until there is nothing left to give…& wants to then give more. nothing you can do can weaken…or strengthen it.’

it’s really hard for me to understand this love. the more i think about it, the more i want to crouch in a corner & hide. it seems like just about everything i do has some kind of ulterior, self-seeking motive. i used to hate the phrase ‘oh, get over it’, but it’s starting to become my friend these days. i so don’t want to be that easily offended person people talk about & tip toe around.

because we let the sins of an earthly father figure offend us to the point of resentment, trust seeps out the cracks & our love grows increasingly hard. as the Bible puts it: “and because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.” (matt. 24:12 KJV) what an image this scripture conveys! like candle wax when the flame is snuffed out, the surrounding air within minutes begins to harden it. we are surrounded by iniquity like air. but this says to me that only when i choose to overlook an offense, will my love remain soft, vulnerable, and of God.

He is that burning light that feeds my love for others, every day. i wish i could love, serve, speak, parent more like him…but i’m so glad that he sees my progress thus far, and accepts me as i am.

praise you, God.

“Instinctively we try to be like our God, and if He is conceived to be stern and exacting, so will we ourselves be. The truth is that God is the most winsome of all beings and His service one of unspeakable pleasure.

The fellowship of God is delightful beyond all telling. He communes with His redeemed ones in an easy, uninhibited fellowship that is restful and healing to the soul.

He remembers our frame and knows that we are dust. He may sometimes chasten us, it is true, but even this He does with a smile, the proud, tender smile of a Father who is bursting with pleasure over an imperfect but promising son who is coming every day to look more and more like the One whose child he is.”

– A.W. Tozer (1897-1963) from The Root of the Righteous.